


Learn To Love Again

by wilari



Category: Glee, Queer as Folk (US)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-14
Updated: 2014-03-14
Packaged: 2018-01-15 18:01:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 20,172
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1314043
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wilari/pseuds/wilari
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Glee/QaF-crossover: When the NYC apartment gets too crowded for Kurt he moves out and moves in with Justin Taylor, a young struggling artist. They quickly become friends, both suffering from a break-up. Kurt meets Adam at NYADA and he quickly realizes he has feelings for that boy, but is he ready yet? And why does Kinnetic open in NYC? Will Justin and Kurt learn to love again?<br/></p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> First off all a big round of applause for my amazing artist Laura (lallagogo), who had been nothing but supporting to me and was just very sweet and on top of all this obviously created this beautiful image for this fanfiction!  
> And also a big THANK YOU to my beta Amanda (onthaedge), who also prompted this fic idea to me in the first place! She put a lot of hours into this fic and for that I'm very thankful! Because this is sorta my first big fanfiction!  
> Also last but not least a big shout out to the mods of the Big Bang, because they seriously put a lot of hard work into this and it's an amazing event!  
> As for this story I can only tell you that I'm not entirely happy with the outcome, but the idea of a glee/qaf crossover has tempted me for a long time and when I saw this prompt I knew I had to go with it. So in this story I mostly focused on the dynamics between Justin/Kurt and Kurt/Adam. I hope you'll enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it! 
> 
> Warnings: None really. Underage drinking and spoilers for QaF so if you haven’t watched it but still want too I suggest you go and watch that first and then come back and read this. Unless you don’t mind to get shows spoilered, in that case: Read away!
> 
> The title is of course inspired by the pink song :)

 

“For god sake, girls, are you kidding me?” Kurt shouted and stepped out of the shower, holding a massive amount of hair in his left hand. 

  
“What’s wrong, Hummel? I swear I didn’t even  _touch_ your skin products!” Santana responded from the living room.

  
“It’s not about that, urgh.” Kurt quickly dressed himself in some clothes he had laid out before. 

  
“What is it this time then?” Rachel asked, trying not to sound too annoyed. 

  
“The whole shower is filled with long, brownish hair!” 

  
“Well, I apologize,” Santana said, sounding not as if she really meant it. “But that happens when girls shower. It’s not really that big of a deal, is it?”

  
“It kinda is if I am trying to take a shower but it’s not possible because the water isn’t really draining!"

  
Both of the girls were just looking at him, searching for the right words and unsure on how to respond. 

  
“I can’t take this anymore.” Kurt finally broke the silence. “I need to get out of here!” That being said, he took his jacket and wallet and stormed out, door banging. 

  
“He’s still the little drama queen, isn’t he?” Santana asked Rachel, who just looked at the door. 

  
“No, I think he’s serious this time.”

 

Kurt didn’t really care where he was going, but when he found himself in front of a coffee shop he stayed to check himself in the window.

  
And what he saw almost made him go back to the apartment. Because he had spent no time this morning to carefully style his hair, as he normally did. And he didn’t even dry it, so it really did not look the way he wanted it too.

  
Though he had to admit, his hair didn’t even look  _that_  bad, if he was aiming for the lazy I’m-the-cool-kid-so-I-gotta-look-messy-look. This was probably what he would try to pull off.

  
So fuck it, he thought and opened the door going in the café.

 

“Nonfat mocha for you?” the waiter said handing Kurt the cup. “Thanks.” Kurt said heading to a free table. He took a sip, taking a moment to appreciate the bitter taste on his tongue. 

  
What should he do with this situation? He couldn’t picture himself in that flat anymore. As much as he loved his girls, that didn’t make up for the crap he had to live with. It wasn’t even just the shower-problem, or the girls taking his expensive skin products, but he was seriously annoyed with Rachel’s talk about NYADA and her constantly doing loud vocal exercises at all hours of the day and night. Living with them was a lot harder than he had expected it to be.

  
The only resolution of his problem was the obvious one, moving out. He had to admit that the thought of moving out frightened him a little bit. Being all on his own had always been one of his dreams, but the safety he had built with Rachel and later with Rachel and Santana wasn’t unwelcome to him.

 

“Is this seat taken?” a voice suddenly disturbed Kurt’s thoughts. He looked up, only to find himself facing a young man, around the dame height as him, with longer blond hair smiling at him. Gay, Kurt immediately thought. Since moving to New York his gaydar wouldn't shut up anymore. “Um, sure?!” Kurt replied taking a quick look around, but no, all tables weren't even filled. 

  
The boy grinned when he noticed Kurt’s confused look and sat down opposite of Kurt. “I don’t really like drinking my coffee alone, but I love meeting new people. And you looked a little bit lonely and even sad. So I thought you might have a good story to offer? Or just need someone to cheer you up?”

 

Normally Kurt wasn’t that quick with liking people, but this boy had something so honest and likable in his look that Kurt could nothing do, but smile in reply. But maybe it was just the paint in his hair that made him interesting.

 

“Maybe,” he said smiling and drinking his coffee. "Tell me a little bit about yourself first and then I might consider it.”

 

“I’m Justin. And I just moved to New York, so I left all my friends at home and it can get a little bit lonely, that’s also partly why I picked up this café tactic.”

 

Kurt chuckled, he maybe even would have done the same if it weren’t for Rachel. When he was being honest, Rachel had helped him a lot during his first weeks in New York. “How long have you been here now?” he asked to keep the conversation going and not drift away in his own thoughts again.

 

“Just over a week. I’ve only been here once before, running away from my… boyfriend.” Kurt raised an eyebrow at that, not only did it seem like an interesting story, but also this Justin character apparently was gay – or bi - although Kurt would bet he was gay. So his gaydar had been right once more, Kurt thought with satisfaction.

  
“Don’t get that look, I don’t know you well enough to tell you that story just yet. You have to earn it!” Justin said teasingly and leaned back and sipped at his coffee.

 

“Okay.” Kurt simply replied. “So you two are still together?” he asked.

 

“Not really…” Justin sighed. “Sorry but you have to earn that story, too.” 

 

Kurt laughed now “Not trusting me yet? I always thought that  I look very trustworthy. But don’t worry; I just broke up with my boyfriend, too. So I probably know how you feel.”

 

“Okay.” Justin grinned at him. “Anyways, I’m still searching for a roomie, because the rent is far too expensive for a struggling artist. So if you know anyone, who might be interested…”

 

Kurt almost laughed out loud; this was probably too perfect to be true. This nice guy needed a roommate and he needed a room to stay.

 

“So say I know someone, what exactly is it you’re looking for in a roommate?”

 

“You do? Well, isn’t it perfect that I sat down next to you of all people in this café? He - or she of course – should be fine with paint everywhere, because I am an artist. And well I tend to leave my stuff all over the place. Also I sometimes get creation waves in the middle of the night and I can do nothing else but draw for hours. And-" Just when he was about to say something else his cell was suddenly ringing. “Shit, I have to get that. Hello?” 

 

Justin listened carefully, his face getting a worried expression. “Yeah, right. I’m not sure I understand what you are trying to tell me here?”

 

Kurt just sat there not really sure what he should do, taking a final sip of his coffee.

Justin covered the phone for a moment to talk to Kurt.

 

“Sorry, this is probably going to take some time. And I’m really sure I have to go to his office in the end, so I don’t mind it if you go now.” He smiled at Kurt. "It was nice meeting you!”

 

“Likewise,"  Kurt replied as Justin returned to his phone call. He sat there for a while longer, playing with his empty coffee cup, but standing up eventually.

It wasn’t until he was about to open his apartment door again that he realized he had nothing but the guy's first name. And that was not enough to find him again in New York, Kurt thought sullenly.  He would have made such a good roommate. Now he had to search all over again, because he was not going to stay in this apartment!

 

“See I told you he would come back, once he calmed down!” Santana told Rachel as soon as Kurt opened the door.

 

“Yeah, I’m back.” Kurt took off his jacket and squeezed himself onto the sofa between Rachel and Santana. “But we have to talk. It’s obvious this room sharing isn’t working anymore.” 

  
“Why not? I really like it here.” Rachel hugged Kurt tightly, while Santana just said, “I know Kurt, I know. This can’t remain this way. I will help you find another place to stay, because I actually like it here and I will not leave Berry alone again.” 

 

Kurt smiled at her “It’s not only your fault Santana. I think if you hadn’t turned up I would still want to move out.”

 

“Great, thanks for the flowers, Hummel. So while you were out doing whatever you did, I took the papers and looked for ads. I highlighted the ones offering good and appropriate apartments for you.” Santana said taking the newspapers from the coffee table.

 

Rachel still held Kurt tightly. But I don’t want you to go. I want you to stay here. I need my favorite gay around me!” she cried. Kurt just smiled at her and hugged her close. 

 

“I won’t be that far away. We’ll still see each other at least once a week, promise!” Then he took the paper from Santana. “Thanks, that’s really sweet of you!”

 

“I can be if I want to be.”

 

The next week were pretty stressful for Kurt, not only was it his first week at NYADA, but also he was constantly at appointments with potential roommates.

Santana and Rachel were very supportive with his decision, more than he had expected. They helped him get all his stuff packed, widespread in the whole apartment.

 

Despite that Kurt was full with energy the whole week, the thought of moving out so soon kept him buzzing. The only problem was that he hadn’t been able to find the right roommate just yet. He couldn’t help himself but always think about the boy – Justin – he had met at the café, and Kurt cursed himself for not waiting and asking for that guy’s number! He would have made a great roommate for sure. But finding someone only by their first name in New York? Impossible!

 

So Kurt had to find a new roommate, which couldn’t possibly be that hard, right? He had another meeting in an hour and was all sweaty from his dance lesson. Rachel hadn’t exaggerated when she said that these dance lessons were hard!  So he showered quickly, styled his hair and dressed in a long green sweatshirt. He took the subway, the potential apartment was just half an hour away from the Academy. A good sign!

 

Kurt checked his phone, but yes, he was on the right street. This just all looked a little bit too expensive for him, although he had only contacted the people whose offers he could afford.

 

He continued walking and then he had to take a turn into a neighborhood that looked more like his price range.  

  
The house was easily found and he rang the bell. When the door opened he had to prevent a surprised shout from escaping at who was behind the door. 

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

One week later, Kurt he had fully moved in with Justin. He didn’t have that much belongings after all. Only when Justin saw his cloths bags he had laughed at Kurt. 

 

“You really are gay, aren’t you?” he said teasingly. Kurt was not even offended, he was proud of his clothes and his sexuality. So he just laughed along with Justin.

 

On the day Kurt put his last pair of trousers in his closet, Justin came into his room with a bottle of champagne in his hand and two glasses in the other. “It looks nice.” He said as he looked around. “You have a lovely taste in furniture.”

 

“Thank you, Justin.” Kurt smiled at him. “I’m glad you like it, because you have to look at it more often in the future.” 

 

“I suppose you’re right, at least I hope I won’t scare you away too soon.”

 

“I don’t think so. Got something to celebrate?” Kurt nodded at the champagne in Justin’s hand. “Just the fact that you’ve fully moved in now? I thought it was a good occasion.”

 

“I agree.”

 

“Also I thought it would be a great way to get to know each other a little bit better.”

 

“You’re probably right, though I gotta tell you that I don’t really like getting drunk.” 

  
“Why’s that?” Justin asked and sat down on Kurt’s bed; Kurt closed the closet and then sat down next to him. “Well it’s a long story, but seems like we have some time together now, and the story is actually pretty funny. You have some glasses?”

 

“Yeah, actually I do.” Justin poured some of the champagne in the glasses, handing Kurt one of them. “So tell me!”

 

“So I told you I was in glee club in high school, right? So in the first year we were always searching for new members, because we weren’t really good, always unpopular and there are rules for school choirs about how many people you need to attend a competition.” Kurt took a sip of his champagne.

 

"Anyways, one day Mr.Shue, our coach,  had the brilliant idea to ask his high school crush to finish high school and sing in glee club while she was there. So all of the sudden we had this older woman in our school, and it was pretty weird.” 

 

Justin chuckled next to him. “And to be honest we didn’t really like her, Rachel most of all, but all of us had varying levels of dislike for her. Her name was April by the way. Like who names their daughter after a month? Anyways we didn’t like her so she bribed us into letting her stay in the glee club, and she won me over with male muscle magazines and booze. Strong booze, lot of booze that was pretty much the first time I ever drank. So at one point I was so wasted all the time. Don’t ask me how I managed to keep it from my dad. But I drank every morning before school, because everything seemed so worthless and I watched a lot of Disney movies which made me only more depressed. So I went up to our guidance counselor one morning, called her Bambi and vomited on her designer shoes. Ever since then I have stayed away from alcohol, but I guess one glass can’t hurt, right?"

 

Justin looked shocked at Kurt for a moment before he started laughing. “Oh my god, that’s probably the best story I’ve ever heard!” He took a sip from his glass and then grabbed Kurt’s arm. “You moving in is the best thing happened to me in a long time. You’re so funny.”

 

Kurt smiled at him, it was maybe the best thing for him as well, he couldn’t think of a recent time where he had felt so carefree.

 

“Tell me about your first drinking experience then!” He told Justin.

 

“Nothing special to tell here, sorry.” Justin shrugged. “My best friend, Daphne, and I wanted to try it, so we did. To be honest I sorta drink a lot, mostly beer though. But I figured you wouldn’t be the beer type?” Justin asked, scrunching up his nose in an  adorable fashion. 

 

Kurt just laughed “People always assume that about me. Do I really look  _that_  stereotyping gay?” 

 

Justin just smiled, “Yeah, you actually do. But that’s not a bad thing, you know? You remind me of a friend I have back in the Pitts, and he's one of the sweetest, bravest people I know."

 

“Your friend sounds great. And I know it's not a bad thing to be the way I am,” Kurt sighed. “I came to terms with how I am and how I look some time ago. I don’t mind it anymore. But to answer your question, I occasionally appreciate a cold beer in the evening. My dad drinks them when he's watching the Buckeyes, so I guess I picked that up from him.”

 

Justin raised one of his eyebrows. “You’re full of surprises, Kurt Hummel!”

 

“You have some time to discover them.” Kurt smiled and raised his glass.“To a very great time, together.

 

 

 “The very best,” Justin said. And in total agreement, grinning at each other, they clinked their glasses.

 

***

 

When Kurt finally wasn't busy with moving out or becoming annoyed by Rachel and Santana anymore, his thoughts wandered back to Blaine more often. And the hours where he was sitting in his new room, just staring at the white walls and listening to sad playlists on 8tracks, weren't good for him. It had been a month since the breakup, that was surely enough time to move on now, wasn't it?

  
But now that he had nothing to distract himself,  except his studies for NYADA, the thoughts just wouldn't leave of his head.

  
What if Blaine had been right? What if Kurt was a bad and selfish boyfriend and he should have made space for Blaine in his life because that's what boyfriends, or just friends really, do. But on the other hand, they also don't cheat on each other, Kurt then always reminded himself. He didn't know if that made him happier or even sadder. He also didn't know why he seemed to be unable to move on. People always move on after a heart break, why couldn’t he? Probably because it was his first love and he had always thought it would last forever. It had been so perfect from the start, something that seemed to be taken right out of a fairytale or a movie. Maybe because a part of Kurt still wanted to go back to that perfect state of being with Blaine, being happy. Knowing there always was someone caring for you, thinking about you. Loving you.

 

That was probably what Kurt missed the most, the safety of knowing someone was there for him, someone he could tell all his secrets. Losing that safety felt like being thrown into a cold sea without warning.

He still had his friends of course, and Justin – Justin turned out to be even more amazing then he had previously thought – but friends were just something entirely different than someone you love.

 

When Kurt had tried telling Rachel how he felt, she just looked at him as if she thought he’d gone crazy. Then that look turned into pity and she reached over took his arm and mumbled “Kurt, you can always come back to our apartment, you know that, right? We don’t want you to feel kicked out. We love you very dearly and if you wanna try and life with us again we’d be more than happy to welcome you back!”

 

But that wasn’t what Kurt needed so he just faked a smile told her everything was fine and that he loved her too. On the inside, Kurt knew he wanted something different, though he couldn’t give it a name.

 

Eventually it was Justin who was able to help Kurt. “It’s clear, Kurt. You need to distract yourself from everything you’re going through. Find something that makes you happy. Join some club at your collage or something. I don’t know. Just find something that takes your mind off of things. Or we could go clubbing on the weekend, if you want!”

 

Kurt laughed at the last comment, though he’d become much looser since he'd moved to NYC, he still wasn’t entirely sure about himself going out clubbing in this big city. The disaster of his last night out with Blaine was also still present in the back of his mind. True enough he drank a beer in the evening with Justin now more often than not and was slowly getting used to that and liked it even.

 

***

A day later, Kurt found himself in front of the NYADA club wall. He looked through all the clubs; the journalism club – he never had been a great writer - the theatre club seemed promising (but who was he kidding, he was only good if music was involved!), and the chemistry club only brought unwelcome memories of his chemistry classes back.

 

But then he saw the flier of a glee club called  _The Adam’s apples_. He immediately knew that this was what he had searched for. He wanted to belong to a glee club again, after all a glee club was the reason he was there now. The New Directions had always been the place where he had felt the most welcomed; the most loved and supported. So joining a new glee club would be amazing, of course it wouldn’t be like his last one. Kurt knew that, and he didn’t want to replace his memories, but adding a few new ones would be nice, wouldn’t it?

 

“Please sign up!” an unfamiliar, British voice suddenly whispered next to Kurt He turned around, finding himself facing a slightly older blond guy. Kurt quickly checked the boy out. He wore a fitting red sweatshirt, stretching perfectly around his chest, a blue pair of lose jeans and a adorable blue cap. He looked attractive, but what impressed Kurt the most was his smile. It seemed to be absolutely pure and loving. No matter how  **enthusiastic** this guy seemed to Kurt, it didn’t change the fact that what he had just done was a little bit creepy.

 

“Um, I’m thinking about it… why?” Kurt answered unsure.

 

“Because I’m Adam, the lead singer. I founded  _The Adam Apples_ , so people could make music together after school, and play, sing, whatever we want. We even had some gigs!” 

 

While the guy – Adam – talked, he threw his hands around, showing his enthusiasm for the group.

 

“I’m sorry, sometimes I talk too much.” He interrupted himself, still smiling brightly at Kurt. “You haven’t even told me your name yet!”

 

“I'm Kurt-" but Kurt wasn’t even finished when Adam talked again “-Hummel. Yeah, of course. I saw your winter showcase performance. It was perfectly done, completely breathtaking. You have to join us! You would be a perfect match for us!”

 

“I uhm…” Kurt was both flattered and embarrassed at the same time. On the one hand, he had always and still loved to get positive remarks on his performances, and the winter show case was one of his personal favorites. On the other hand, he never liked too much attention. It made him feel uncomfortable. He just wasn’t used to being in the center of attention, especially with Blaine as his ex and Rachel as his best friend. When he had been in the spotlight, it often wasn’t because of his talent, but either because of his sexuality or his dad’s disease; both not his favorite memories. So as much as he wanted to become a star, and getting more attention for what he was doing, he wasn’t ready for it, just yet.

 

After all Blaine had been the center of attention most of the time. Not that Kurt did mind at the time, he had been happy for Blaine, for the most part. At the time, he didn’t even realize how much more attention Blaine demanded to be happy, which often took away from Kurt getting attention, or it was Kurt's job to provide that attention as Blaine's doting boyfriend. Now that Kurt was single, however, he did want more attention. It would just take him some time to get used to it, he thought.

 

“Come on please do it!” Adam interrupted Kurt once more, when Kurt wasn’t answering. 

 

“I’ll think about it.” Kurt said quickly and wanted to turn around. 

 

“Naahh. I won’t let you go that fast, you’d be like the first audition in  _month_. Not that you’d have to audition of course, I’m already very much in love with your voice. Can I tell you a secret?” But before Kurt even had a chance to react in any way, Adam kept on talking, leaving Kurt absolutely amused. He loved how much energy Adam radiated and how passionate he obviously was about his music club.

 

“I had  _Being Alive_  on repeat after I saw your performance, but it’s not as good as your version, and I just want to hear yours once more, do you think there’s any chance you could maybe sing it to me? In private?” Adam asked excitedly.

 

Now Kurt was blushing. He wasn’t used to compliments at all, and this was a very strong one. “I um, I sure. . . ” Kurt somehow managed to get out, sounding anything but  _sure._

 

“Fantastic!” Adam smiled at him and it was obvious that he meant it. “So you’re gonna join us right?”

 

“Yes, I will!” Kurt said, surprising himself. 

 

Well, it was true; he wanted to be part of a group again, making music with people. So this was the perfect opportunity, wasn’t it? Plus Adam's bright smile as he spoke to Kurt was worth everything. 

 

“Then come on, we have a rehearsal. You can meet the other members!” And with that he took Kurt by the hand and led him away.

 

***

 

Kurt and Justin were sitting in their small living room, the remains of their dinner left on the coffee table in front of them.  Justin was leaning into Kurt, attentively listening to Kurt’s account of his day. 

 

“And then he guided me into the room and they were all singing ‘Baby Got Back’.  You probably don’t know that song. It’s basically about asses,” Kurt informed Justin, who smirked in reply. 

 

“Are you kidding me?  Me, not know that song?  Firstly, I’m older than you,  and secondly, with an ass like me, that song is like my anthem!” Justin said teasingly, and hopping off the couch and popping his ass out for Kurt to see.  Kurt roared with laugher as Justin took his place back beside him on the couch. 

 

Once Kurt caught his breath, he continued, “But the performance was so funny, and they’re all a little bit strange, but again who isn’t this days? They seem to be funny and carefree, and even though their song choices could be better, maybe I can influence them with that.” While Kurt kept on rambling, Justin just smiled at him.

 

“So you like it there.  It was a good idea, right?” Justin asked.  Kurt took a moment to think about it then smiled, leant against Justin’s arm.

 

“Yeah best decision I’ve made in a while. Thanks for helping me!”

 

“No problem, that’s what roommates are there for, right?” Justin said, giving Kurt a winning smile. 

 

“Not exactly, roommates are to help you pay the rent. Friends are for helping and supporting each other.” Kurt looked up at Justin. “We’re friends, right? Or at least on our way to becoming friends? Because, Justin, I really like you. And I feel that this could be something special, we do have a connection, don’t we?” Kurt asked hopefully. 

 

When Justin didn’t answer immediately, Kurt was slightly worried he had said too much.  He was a little bit tipsy from the bottle bear he’d been sipping, and being tipsy always made him emotional. Sometimes things slipped out that Kurt didn’t mean to – like the Bambi thing with Emma Pillsbury – so he wished he hadn’t said what he’d just said. But all those nervous feelings were gone as soon as he felt Justin’s arms around him.

 

“Of course we’re friends.” The blond boy whispered in his ear. “I’m so happy you are my roommate now, Kurt.” Justin whispered to him. 

 

Having this approval from Justin and knowing he hadn’t screwed it up; Kurt smiled, realizing this was the first time in a long time that he was really and truly happy.


	3. Chapter 3

“Come here and kiss me. “ Adam said, smirking at Kurt and running his hand through Kurt’s hair.

Kurt took a moment to look at the beauty that Adam was, not fully able comprehend what this boy was offering him. He looked at the blond hair styled perfectly, stressing the masculinity displayed in Adam’s face.

 

“I might just do it, you know?” Kurt exclaimed.

 

 “Yeah?” Adam said teasingly, raising his eyebrows in a challenge. “Prove it!”

 

Kurt didn’t need to be told twice; he leant in, mouth only inches away from Adam’s. When his lips were supposed to meet Adam’s own, there was nothing but air pressed against Kurt’s puckered lips.  Kurt only had a few seconds to realize his utter disappointment before he woke up.

 

Groaning, he turned his head and buried it in his pillow. He _did not_ just dream about kissing Adam Crawford. That didn’t happen. Fair enough, Adam was nice and attractive, but Kurt _wasn’t crushing on that boy!_ He didn’t need another love interest to distract him from NYADA!

 

Although, maybe it was too late for that now. He was pretty sure he was falling for Adam already, however not wanting to admit it just yet. They’d had their first date just a few days ago and it had been really amazing. Adam had invited Kurt to the theatre and they’d watched some sappy love story and both cried in the end. Afterwards they had dinner in a nice little Chinese place Adam suggested. The whole evening was one of the most enjoyable ones Kurt had experienced in New York so far. They’d just automatically clicked and their conversation had flowed so naturally. Regardless of if he wanted to admit it or not, Kurt was falling quickly for the charming British man.

 

Still lost in his thoughts, he slowly got up from bed and scuffled into the kitchen to pour himself a glass of water. Kurt was too tired and to distracted with his thoughts to notice the light in the living room. He only realized it after he drank his glass of water. Quickly as he could with his limbs still half asleep, he went to see if Justin was up.

 

That was the thing about Justin; he seemed to be constantly awake, at least at night. Either fucking some guy in his bedroom – Kurt still wasn’t sure what to make of that, he didn’t mean to judge – or drawing. Justin was drawing so much it was insane.

 

Justin was up now too, stretched over the table, drawing something; no surprise there. Kurt moved closer, tried to be as quite as possible so he wouldn’t disturb Justin. And finally he was able to make out what Justin was drawing, it was _the guy_ again.

 

Kurt had first noticed that Justin was drawing the same man over and over again a week after he moved in. He had seen _the guy_ , as he started calling him, in three different pictures by then. He had never asked Justin about it, though. While Kurt looked at the drawing, this time _the guy_ sat on a porch, having a little kid who looked nearly identical to him, sitting happily in his arms.  He was smiling down at the little boy with such love and pride that wondered once again who _the guy_ really was.  Probably someone from Justin’s past, and Kurt would love to hear that story. Kurt noted that this picture was a lot happier than the other ones were. It even seemed a little bit peaceful, while the others were left Kurt with a feeling of melancholy and sadness.

 

“Who’s that?” Kurt eventually asked, and Justin turned around fast as if he was caught doing something he wasn’t supposed to. His face relaxed a little bit when he saw that Kurt talking to him.

 

“That’s Brian.” Justin answered shortly, as if this was the answer to everything, and drew some more fine lines into the picture.

 

So Brian was the name of the mysterious guy, but this answer didn’t satisfy Kurt. He wanted to know more about him.

 

“And who’s the little boy in his arm? Do you want to talk about him?” Truth be told, Kurt really wanted to talk about him, he wanted to hear the story, get to know Justin better. And be distracted from his own misery.

 

“That’s his child, Gus.” Justin took a moment to study Kurt’s reaction. Kurt didn’t let his surprise display on his face, so Justin eventually sighed. “I could use someone to talk to, yeah. Give me a couple of minutes, I just have to finish this bit and then I will join you in the kitchen, ‘kay? You could make me a cup of coffee, if you don’t mind. I could really use some caffeine right now!”

 

“Sure Jus, no problem.” Kurt walked into a kitchen, switching on the coffee machine.

 

“You’re a darling!” Justin called. Kurt smiled; living with Justin was even easier than he had hoped it would be. He was so happy that he had moved out of the flat with his girls.  As much as he loved them, moving out had probably saved their relationship. Living with another guy, another gay guy, who understood him and was partly going through the same things as him, was just so much better, and helped him grow as a person. Even if Justin was different from him in many ways, some of which were a large Justin’s life that Kurt didn’t approve of, Kurt still loved living with Justin.   Justin’s sexual activities were something that Kurt had trouble coming to terms with.  It felt just a little bit strange to him, how much meaningless sex Justin had. Kurt didn’t like to label himself as a prude, but he had to admit in comparison with Justin, he probably was. He just still had the “you-matter” speech his dad gave him in his head and this speech somehow stopped him from having causal sex.

 

“Sorry if I woke you!” Justin interrupted his thoughts, smiling shyly at him. “I just had this picture in my head and felt the compelling urgency to paint it. And I couldn’t resist! I seriously didn’t mean to wake you up!” Kurt grinned, that was one of the points differing Justin from his girls. Justin would always apologize for everything he did that could probably annoy Kurt, while Rachel and Santana never did such a thing.

 

“It’s okay, it wasn’t you. I needed some water, and I had a weird dream.” Shit, Kurt didn’t mean to tell anyone about that dream just yet, so he quickly changed the subject. “So tell me about this Brian character. Given the amount of times you have drawn him since I moved in, you are rather fascinated by him, is that right?”

Justin mumbled something in his hands sounding a lot like, “God, you have no idea,” before looking at Kurt again. “Sit down, this is gonna take some time.” So Kurt did as he was told, and Justin took the seat opposite of him.

 

“Thanks for the coffee.” Justin beamed at him, and Kurt felt a warm feeling settling in his heart. “Well, so I ought to tell you something about Brian, right?”

 

Kurt nodded and replied, “Only if you feel comfortable sharing, of course!”

 

“Hmm, yes I think I do. Do you mind if I smoke a cigarette?” Kurt hesitated; he had never been a fan of smoking and most likely never will. Justin accepted that and smoked outside all the time. “Yeah um, sure why not.” Kurt himself noticed how unsure he sounded, but he didn’t care.  Justin just beamed at him thankfully, pulled out a cigarette and lit it up.

 

”So maybe – or maybe not – you wondered why I am the way I am. Why I screw around, like I don’t care.” Kurt didn’t know whether he should nod or shake his head, because sure he wondered, but was it appropriate to admit that?

  
“Well believe it or not, but I wasn’t always like that! I used to believe in the one true love, and once I thought I found it. I believed in monogamy, having nice romantic dinners together, and all that.”  Justin sounded a little bit bitter as he admitted that. “Truth be told, I sometimes still want those things! I still wonder if I could just go out, meet someone and… love him. Be with him and do everything with him.”

 

Kurt felt sympathy for Justin; he could totally relate to everything Justin had just said. “So why did it change?”

 

“I met Brian.” Justin said drawing on his cigarette. “I was seventeen when I first met him. I was out searching for some sort of adventure and yeah… I wanted to lose my virginity that night. I wasn’t out of the closet and I wanted to try it, I think. So I was lingering around the gay clubs, checking out guys, but just an old perv seemed to be interested in me, until I met _him_.” Kurt intentionally knew that Justin was talking about Brian.

 

“He stood there at his car, I can still recall every little detail of it, looking so sexy and just watching me.   He approached me under the streetlamp I was standing under.  He asked me what I was doing on Liberty Avenue, the biggest queer hang out in Pittsburgh.  I gave him some stupid line about trying out the clubs there.  He didn’t seem convinced, but played along anyway.   I remember being nervous, but going into his car anyways.  He was 29, by the way.” Justin smiled and Kurt couldn’t help but wonder if he would’ve done the same thing. Probably not, he was way too shy.  And especially the 17 year old Kurt wouldn’t have gone out alone to have sex with some stranger who was significantly older than him.

 

“His friends were angry at him, Michael, his best friend, most of all. Oh yeah, poor Michael. Anyways, we went to his place and it first I was seriously disappointed, because he wanted to fuck me right then, without talking or anything.  Eventually I said to myself, `You wanna stay a virgin forever, Jus? Grow some balls. See this hot man, he’s interested in you. Get it!’  So I did.” Justin smiled at Kurt, taking a sip of his coffee. “I’m gonna leave out the details, okay?” Kurt grinned back and nodded.

 

“It was the same night Gus, Brian’s son was born.  He got the call in the middle of…let’s just say an information lesson on gay sex.  I met most of his friends that night.  They’re an interesting bunch.  He’s donated his sperm to his longtime friend Lindsey, and her partner, Melanie.  Melanie and Brian have a very intense dislike for each other, though that’s a whole different story.  After bickering with Melanie and Lindsey over the name, he asked me.  I was surprised that this man wanted my opinion.  I was so shocked, I said the dumbest thing, in retrospect.  I told him my old teddy bear was named Gus.  Oddly though, Brian liked it.  He said it was a ‘good butch name’.  They all liked it.  After, Brain was pretty high and drunk out of his mind, we fucked.  A lot.”  Justin sighed, avoiding Kurt’s gaze.  Kurt was sure his cheeks were beat red.  Justin was certainly a lot freer about discussing sex than he was, but he was determined to be completely attentive to Justin.

 

Justin cleared his throat and continued, “Well the next morning, Michael came to get Brian and the brought me to school. Brian’s car had _faggot_ written all over it at the time. So that was basically how I came out in school. I remember telling my best friend Daphne that I just saw the face of god. I suppose it’s right, having sex with Brian is always amazing and as a virgin it’s even better. Trust me, not that you’re ever gonna find out.” Justin laughed at that and Kurt joined him. He didn’t know what he was supposed to say. This story got him wondering, maybe he had always lived too carefully? He had always tried to please everyone, fulfilling their needs before his own. Was that a bad thing?

 

“Anyways, I wanted to tell you how I ended up the way I am now, right? You could think Brian and I would live happily ever after and my first boyfriend is going to be my last, because _I_ was definitely ready for that. Brian, however, was not.” Justin had finished his coffee by now, and fetched a beer from the fridge. Taking a sip he continued with his story; Kurt still wondered if he should say something, but then again he had no idea what to say. And Justin didn’t seem to mind Kurt’s lack of response.

 

“The misery is: Brian Kinney doesn’t do relationships. He told me at the beginning, when I foolishly asked him if we could meet again. I am however so charming and persuasive that after chasing him for some time and crashing at his place due to problems at home, I might tell you about another time, our relationship somehow grew out of the one-night-stand-phase, mainly after I turned 18. He pretended not to care, but, that was definitely a lie.  I’d asked him to my prom, and he of course turned me down.  That’s the last thing I remember…” Justin rubbed a spot on his temple, agitatedly.  Kurt noticed a faint scar there, and had a feeling this story was about to turn unhappy, very quickly. 

 

Justin shook his head, as if shaking out past memories.  “He showed up, or so I’m told.  We danced to ‘Save the Last Dance for Me’.  Everyone was watching us.  He had this beautiful white silk scarf on. I know that because I saw it after…  Anyway, after our dance, we went out to his car, and I’m not sure what happened.  I think he kissed me, or he’s alluded to that.  We’d made plans to meet up later, he told me, and when I was turning around, I…I took a bat to the head.  It was Chris Hobbs…we had a pretty fucked up past.  He was a total closet case, and just an utterly fucked up person,” Justin finished, his voice catching in this throat.  Kurt gasped at this, grabbing Justin’s hand immediately, eyes wide with horror.  Kurt began to say something, but Justin just squeezed his hand and shook his head.  “It’s fine.  Well, no, it’s not, but I don’t think I can handle talking about that right now.”  Kurt nodded in understanding, and for a second, he counted himself lucky, because if his father hadn’t gotten involved, Kurt may have had the same fate as Justin, with his troubles with Karosfsky.  Kurt immediately disregarded that thought.  Karosfsky was wrong, bullying and troubled, but Karosfsky had done a lot of soul searching, and had transformed from Karosfsky into Dave, a tentative friend of Kurt’s.  Dave was lost and self-hating, but this boy, Chris Hobbs, sounded like a monster to Kurt. 

 

Justin took a long drag of his cigarette.  “Anyway, after that, it took Brian and I a while to begin to get back to where we were.  I was a lot more insecure about our relationship then.  We agreed that we were still allowed to see other people, but at the end of the night it was always the other one we would go home to. We just knew each other too well to really ignore this thing we had, or at least that was what I told myself. Brian isn’t the most talkative man. We never really did coupley things together. Well, we ate together obviously, and slept in the same bed sometimes, but mostly we just went out to party with his friends and always ended up fucking other people.  It was an open relationship.”

 

Kurt listened to everything Justin just told him silently, because he was speechless. The life Justin just displayed in front of him was so different from his that it made him shudder. He suddenly felt insecure; the world he had been so sure of had just completely changed. How could he have thought he was experienced? Yes, he had been bullied and that had made him stronger as a person, but comparing to Justin he was so green.

 

“Weren’t you jealous?” Kurt asked. “Because if I imagine my ex-boyfriend sleeping other boys as well during our whole relationship…” Kurt said, agitated, and left the rest unspoken.

 

“At first I was.” Justin hesitated. “I don’t know, I just remember it was either losing him or agreeing to this sort of relationship. Also at the end of the day, it always boiled down to the two of us. I always knew I could trust him and that I was the only one for him, even though he never admitted it out loud, his actions suggested it.” Justin mused. “Plus, we had this rules.” He smiled. “Silly rules really, but we could always fuck everyone just once, and no kissing on the lips. Though, I was the first one to break the latter.”

 

 Kurt giggled at that. “You did? How?”

 

Justin sighed.  “It was some dude at a freshman party and it was his first time so I thought, what Brian doesn’t know will not kill him. He found out pretty quickly. Anyways I don’t want to bore you! You’re probably not even interested in everything I just told you…”

 

Kurt smiled, shaking his head in disagreement, “Go on, I really like to listen.” He wondered where the turning point was, because right now the whole story seemed pretty happy, unusual but happy. But if that was a happy story he wouldn’t live here with Justin now, would he? Justin would’ve stayed with Brian!

 

“If you say so. Well, I tried a _real_ relationship once. Because I somehow thought I wanted something different from Brian. You have to understand, that Brian was and never will be a romantic. You can’t eat romantic dinners with him or even buy him a rose without him ranting and raving about how we’re gay men, not a bunch of lesbians.   I met this other guy who seemed to be perfect and offered me everything I thought I needed.” Justin shook his head. “He turned out to be quite different from what I thought.  And it was around that time that I realized what, or better _who_ I really needed. Brian. And truth be told, Brian can be a complete asshole, but at that time when I came back to him he was so supportive and accepting, it only made me fall harder for him.” Justin smiled at the memory, and just the sign of Justin’s smiling and the pure happiness resonating in his voice made Kurt smile as well.

 

“But it didn’t work out at the end?” Kurt asked and at the same time wanted to slap himself for that question, because he could practically see the smile falling from Justin’s face.

 

“No.” he said brusquely. Kurt gave him a moment not pressing further, because this was obviously a sore point.

 

Eventually Justin continued with his story, “Well in the end we planned to marry. It was a huge surprise to me when he asked, but of course I said yes.” Kurt gasped at that, because he was totally not expecting that.

 

“So you two got married?” he asked. “You’re married?”

 

“Not exactly. We cancelled that wedding before it ever took place and I moved to New York!”

 

“Wait what?” It took Kurt a moment to process the information he had just received.  “But that’s what you wanted, right? You wanted to have a _normal_ relationship with him, you wanted your fairytale ending, so why didn’t you marry him?”

 

Justin sighed and took the last bit of his beer before answering. “I guess I wanted it. But, I somehow always knew after all that time that Brian didn’t want that. And when he asked me to marry him out of the blue I just knew it wasn’t what he _really_ wanted. I didn’t want him to change to be with me. Also he said I should peruse my art career, because I would have a great future in it and best way to do that would be moving to New York.” He saw Kurt’s unbelieving look and went on.

 

“Look Kurt, what you have to understand is, is that Brian was practically my first everything. And I’m sure I was his first in some ways too, like the first one even close to a boyfriend and not just a one night stand. He molded me into the person I am today in so many different ways and I’m certain that I wouldn’t be here with you if it wasn’t for him. He and I went through so many different phases together and our love has overcome it all. He probably would deny it but I know that we’re made for each other. I love him very deeply, and he loves me too, even though he’s not good at showing it.

But we were never good at long-distance relationships, I’m not even sure if they ever work out. So while I am here, and he’s still in Pittsburg, we both know that it’s okay to date other people. Our story is not over, I’m certain of it.”

 

Kurt didn’t know what to say to that little speech. It was obvious that Justin was still in love with that Brian character, hell he said it himself. And the long distance bit got him thinking of Blaine again, thanks for that!

 

“Do you not want to experience a bit maybe? Try a relationship with someone here in New York?” Kurt asked curiously even though he was pretty sure what the answer would be.

 

“No. I tried a relationship apart from Brian once, and never again. I know where I belong and that just isn’t for me.”

 

“Okay.” Kurt replied, trying to process everything he had just been told.

 

“What about you then?” Justin said, getting two more beers from the fridge passing one to Kurt.

 

“Me?” Kurt said dumbly, eying the beer skeptically, and then looking at the watch. It was 4 am, he and Justin had been chattering for over an hour now. And he had school tomorrow. Maybe he should head to bed. But on the other hand, Justin’s story had really touched him and Justin himself seemed a bit off at the moment.  It probably wasn’t easy to handle all those emotions. Kurt decided that he should just stay and drink another been with Justin, chatting a bit more.  Kurt found himself enjoining these evenings these stories with Justin more than he would have expected.

 

So fuck it, he thought. You mustn’t go to NYADA tomorrow; you can call in sick for one day!

 He opened his beer and took a pull from it.

 

“Yeah you. You mentioned your ex-boyfriend quite frequently and then there’s this Adam character you’ve met recently and can’t seem to shut up about.”

 

Kurt didn’t know whether he should cry or laugh, the way Justin said it, it sounded so easy and comparing to Justin’s own tragic past, it probably was. But he didn’t know where he should start.

“Well… There’s seriously not so much to it. I was dating Blaine for quite some time now. He was my first boyfriend and I thought we were forever, ya know?”

 

Justin nodded at that and made a go-on-gesture.

 

“We knew long-distance relationships can be hard, and we talked about it before I moved to New York. He’s still in high school. But I never imagined it would be _this_ hard.” Kurt sighed. “It wasn’t even at first. But then I got this job at _Vogue_.” Justin made some whistling noises at that, which made Kurt smile. “Yeah I was pretty happy there, but it was taking up all of my time, and naturally I hadn’t had as much time for Blaine as I used to… So.” Kurt stumbled, unsure of how to go on, he took a long sip and Justin just looked at him expectantly, giving him the time he needed.

 

“Blaine and my brother came to visit me and Rachel in New York at some point. We were all at this NYADA bar, where you could sing karaoke. And…” Kurt’s voice broke once again and he let out a breathless chuckle, feeling so embarrassed. Because he could sense the tears beginning to form in his eyes. But no, he did not want to cry in front of Justin, not yet.

 

Justin somehow seemed to notice how Kurt was feeling because he assured Kurt, “You don’t have to tell me, if you don’t feel ready, you know that?!”

 

Kurt nodded, but managed to get out “I want to!”

“Good.” Justin replied, hesitated a moment and then took Kurt’s hand. “Start whenever you ready!”

 

“God, I feel so stupid now.” Kurt chuckled. “I mean you practically called off a wedding and told me about your bashing, and all the while managed to tell me that without tearing up. And here I am not over this stupid. This stupid break-up and…” Kurt felt the all too well known warmth of the alcohol settling in his stomach, alcohol always made him emotional, he knew that.

 

“Pshh…” Justin came around the table, giving Kurt a tight huge. “It’s not stupid. No break-up ever is, and it’s perfectly understandable if the memory still makes you sad. I’m here for you.” Kurt buried his head in Justin’s shoulder without hesitation.

 

“T-hanks.” He sniffed.

 

“You’re so welcome.” Justin replied rubbing his back.

 

“So, we were at that bar, and I already noticed that something seemed to be off with Blaine. He acted so different, didn’t want to hold my hand and always avoiding my gaze. Looking back I think I’ve must’ve been blind!”

 

Justin slowly released Kurt from his hug, but Kurt clung fast to Justin. “Do you mind?” He asked.

Justin just closed his arms around Kurt again.

 

“Thank you.” Kurt sniffed. “Well after we left that bar, I called him out, asked why he was acting so weird and then he admitted he had cheated on me, because he had felt lonely, and I hadn’t been there for him.” Kurt had said the last part very fast, trying not to break out into tears.

 

Justin just patted his back, supporting Kurt. “That asshole.”

 

“Yeah.” Real tears were now running down Kurt’s cheeks, he laughed, pushed Justin carefully off of him and wiped the tears away. “I’m sorry I started crying. I really didn’t mean to. It’s just… the alcohol….”

 

Justin stood up again, smiling knowingly at Kurt. “You don’t have to justify yourself, I know exactly what you’re going through. Because I think I’m going through something quite similar.”

 

Kurt tried to reply the smile weakly. “Why can’t we just have normal happy relationships?”

 

“Well you’ve met this Adam guy, tell me about him!” Kurt brushed away the last of tears.

 

“I told you most of it already. I like him very much, and I have this feeling  something could grow deeper between me and him. But there’s always Blaine on my mind, somehow I can’t seem to forget him. Never mind how much I want to!”

 

“I can’t forget Brian either, that’s the reason I always draw him. But I believe we will learn to love again. And be happy with the person of our choice.  He’s just always on my mind, and sometimes I just see such clear pictures of him that I can do nothing but get my pencil and draw him. Somehow it also helps me, you know?”

 

“Can I try it?” Kurt asked jokingly.

 

“Sure.” Justin replied. Kurt laughed, but something about Justin’s expression made him stop.

 

“I was joking.”

 

“But I think you should really try it. It really helps,” Justin said.

 

“I can’t even draw.”

 

“I believe everyone can draw.” Justin replied looking at Kurt, who cringed under that look, it had only been a joke!

 

 “Okay…” he answered lamely.

 

“Good, it’s a deal then.” Justin’s grin was way too big, for the simple fact that he only had Kurt agreeing to draw something.

 

“Can I see some of your pictures then? You said you wanted to become a professional artist, so you must be good?” Kurt changed the subject.

 

“I’m alright.” Justin shrugged, which only made Kurt raise an eyebrow.  “I dunno, I can only draw for short periods at a time before my hand cramps.  That was a parting gift from the bashing.  Anyway, I think I’m pretty fantastic and most of the time I’m happy with what I’m drawing but I don’t know. How am I to judge that? Also I’m kind of a professional right now. I’m selling drawings and paintings and my work has been displayed in some galleries.”

 

“Shit I didn’t know! So you must be quite good,” Kurt replied in awe.

 

“I can show you.” Justin simply offered. “I have some of my favorite unsold drawings in my bedroom.”  When Kurt nodded in agreement, Justin excused himself to go retrieve them.  Kurt smiled to himself, thinking he made the right decision staying up with Justin.  Their time together made Kurt think and he was happy to get to know Justin better.  He knew they’d be great friends for a long time to come.

 


	4. Chapter 4

Kurt found himself waking up with a light headache and an arm stretched out over him. He groaned and wanted nothing more than to go back to sleep. On the other hand, he knew that the best action was to just stand up. So he carefully removed the arm from his face, and stood up.  Kurt needed a moment to get his full bearings and orient himself. Justin was stretched out on the bed next to him. Apparently they had just lain there together; Kurt didn’t even remember falling asleep, let alone with Justin.

 

He wasn’t sure if he should feel embarrassed about it, though he was pretty sure Justin didn’t even mind. Apart from that he didn’t even care, due to his headache, so he went to the kitchen to get some water. He felt sick, and that reminded him of the reason why he didn’t like to drink. He didn’t feel rested, though he had just slept. He felt dizzy and somehow really empty.  Moreover, he really feared the look into the mirror, already knowing that he was sporting a particularly bad case of bed head.

 

Kurt pressed the cold water glass against his forehead, hoping it’d cause his headache to go away.

But no such thing happened, so he put the glass back down, frustrated, and glanced at the clock.  And what he saw there really shocked him, because it was 3 pm. He had just missed an entire school day plus an Adam Apple’s meeting.  He groaned once again and went as fast as his condition would let him into his bedroom, to get his mobile phone.

3 missed calls and 10 text messages.

 

Two of the three calls were from Adam, as well as half of the messages. Kurt opened Adam’s first, knowing Adam must be worried.

 

(09:30 am) Hi, where are you? I thought we could have lunch together later? <3

(11:03 am) You got my message?

(12:27 pm) Are you sick, Kurt? :( Nobody has seen you today! I hope it’s nothing too serious & get better soon! Call me if you need anything, sweetheart! <3

(2:02 pm) You just missed a really funny meeting. You were deeply missed though. (mostly by me tbh :P) I hope you’re doing better.

(2:15 pm) Should I come over, sweetheart? <3 I can bring you some chicken soup, or something. :) (I don’t even know if you’re up yet. Or what it is you have. I just miss you and wish I could do something for me, so text me, would you? <3)

 

Kurt’s mood immediately lifted while reading Adam’s messages, a smile on his face. Adam was just the cutest. He felt a little bit guilty, though he couldn’t quite explain what for. He hadn’t done anything! He had just had one drink too many the last night. Though he had spent it with a friend in need, and it just so happened that they shared a bed, so what? Nothing happened! Kurt shook himself, to get that feeling of guilt away and then texted Adam back.

 

(3:10 pm) I wasn’t feeling very well today, sorry. I just slept the whole day till now :) Glad the meeting was enjoyable even without my amazing presence. And no you needn’t come over. I’m doing very fine by myself. But thank you so much, it’s very sweat of you to offer! <3 See you tomorrow hopefully :*

 

Kurt ignored the messages Blaine had sent him, he seriously wasn’t feeling well enough to handle Blaine's special brand of bullshit today. Somehow Blaine didn’t seem to understand when someone didn’t want to interact with him. Kurt rolled his eyes and opened Rachel’s text messages.

 

(10:21 am) Kuuuuuurrrt where r uuuu??? U sick?

(2:17 am) Kurt, this isn’t funny. Why haven’t I heard back from you yet? You can’t possibly sleep that long. Please text me back! <3

 

Before Kurt could respond to that, his phone buzzed, showing him he had a new message from Adam again.

 

(3:12 pm) Happy you’re finally awake :) It’s probably for the best if you just got some rest! I really missed you today… Mind if I come over anyways? <3

 

Kurt grinned stupidly at his phone while typing a reply.

 

(3:13 pm) Absolutely not, be my guest. :D

 

(3:13 pm) I’ll be there in 15 minutes. <3

 

Kurt opened the last unread message by Santana.

 

(2:45 pm) Please for god’s sake contact Rachel! She’s worrying so much about you and she's driving me nuts! And you know I'm not a fan of nuts in any form. 

 

That message made Kurt giggle for a moment. Poor Santana, he thought, but he did as she requested.

 

(3:16 pm) Everything’s alright Rachel, I was simply not feeling very good. No reason to get so hysterical. :) You should find a self-help group with Adam, you both were so worried it seems. I’ll be good again tomorrow.

 

Kurt erased the part about the self-help group and sent it to Rachel, getting a reaction within the next two minutes from Santana.

 

(3:17 pm) Thank you!

 

He smiled. Living with Rachel really wasn’t easy, he knew from experience. Obviously Santana had found out now as well.

 

A noise from the kitchen got Kurt’s attention, so he went back there to find Justin awake and doing the exact thing he did a few minutes ago. Pouring himself a glass of water.

 

“Morning.” Kurt greeted the other boy, offering a half-smile.

 

“Morning.” He got a muffled response, followed by a yawn. “Are you feeling as shitty as I am?”

 

“Think so.” Kurt replied. “Adam’s coming over in ten minutes or so. Do I look presentable?”

 

Justin let his eyes wander over Kurt for a moment “No.”

 

“Oh well thanks very much.” Kurt tried to look offended. “I guess it doesn’t matter, I told him I was sick, and if you’re sick you’re not looking good, right?”

 

“Guess so.” Justin mumbled. “Gonna go back to bed, say hi to Adam for me, will ya?”

 

Kurt just nodded while Justin turned around and shuffled back to his room.

 

True to his word Adam came over only minutes later, bringing a stuffed bag.

 

“What’s all that?” Kurt asked after the greeting him. Adam just smiled at him.

 

“That’s my care-package for you, because – excuse me – but you really don’t look good.”

 

“Oh thanks, that’s just what I wanted to hear!” 

 

Adam laughed and Kurt joined in. “You know what I meant.”

 

“Yeah I do. And I meant to say thanks, because all of this is really sweet of you and you didn’t need to do this. Seriously. What’s even in there?”

 

“Well let me in the kitchen and I’ll show you!” Adam was constantly smiling and that made Kurt think of the dream he had had last night about Adam, and he still wasn’t sure how he should feel about all of that!

 

“Sure, sorry. I’m a little bit dizzy.” Kurt tried a smile, but wasn’t entirely sure he had succeed.

 

“Oh yeah of course. I’m sorry. Well I brought some DVD’s because I can’t believe you have never watched Sherlock, it’s like one of the best British shows ever, plus Benedict Cumberbatch is just soo hot.”

 

“The only British TV-show I know is Downtown Abbey. And uh, I know Doctor Who!” Kurt admitted.

 

“Doctor Who was actually my favorite show growing up! Whenever I was at my father’s I would always watch it!” Adam said excitedly.  “So let’s watch that!”

 

They went to the living room where the TV was placed. Kurt found himself very happy that Adam had come over. He always enjoyed Adam’s company, because Adam was just one of the few people to always put other's first, which is a quality that Kurt shared. The fact that Adam had come over as soon as Kurt was awake, said a lot about his character.  And Kurt honestly appreciated everything Adam did for him. He had a warm, peaceful feeling around Adam that he had never truly experienced before,

 

“What are you thinking about?” Adam interrupted his thoughts, smiling softly at Kurt.

 

“You.” Kurt replied honestly, causing Adam to raise his eyebrows. “You’re just very sweet; I bet not many people would’ve just come over with car packages!"

 

Adam blushed a little bit and in Kurt’s eyes that made him even cuter. “Well I just needed to see you. Also it’s just an excuse to watch Doctor Who again!”

 

Kurt laughed “See I knew it wasn’t all that selfless! Can I ask you something?” 

 

They took their places on the couch and Kurt immediately cuddled up to Adam, without even thinking about it. It just felt like the right thing to do, and Adam didn’t even seem to mind. Kurt seriously had to sort out his feelings about everything soon, but at the moment he just wanted to enjoy himself.

 

“Yeah of course!” Adam stood put the DVD in the TV.

 

“What is your family situation really? Sorry if that sounds rude or something, but you always mention it, and I just wanna have the whole picture and not just little bits I've heard from you. I might put together the wrong picture.”

 

“No, it’s all right. I don’t mind talking about it. Well my parents divorced when I was around the age of ten.” Adam snuggled his way back into Kurt, wrapping his arms around him, which made Kurt grin. Yeah, Adam definitely didn’t mind the cuddling, Kurt thought smugly.

 

“I lived with my mum and my little sister," Adam stated.

 

“You have a little sister? You never told me!” Kurt said, surprised at this new piece of information.

 

“Well you never asked me." Adam stated matter-of-factly.

 

“But I simply didn’t take you for the big brother type. Can’t really see that.”

 

“Well you must see me and Ginny then.” Adam insisted. Kurt giggled. “What’s so funny? Seriously I've always thought of myself as the brotherly type. I’m deeply hurt that you didn’t even think about it," Adam said teasingly. 

 

“No, it’s not that, I’m sure you’re a perfect brother.” Kurt touched Adam’s arm to support him. “It’s just the name. Ginny. Didn’t think it existed outside of Harry Potter.”

 

Adam smiled at him warmly. “Yeah well, it’s a normal name. Anyways so I was at my mum's  most of the time, and my father was just constantly traveling around. And at some point he settled down in America. So when the time for me came to choose a university, I was pretty sure I wanted to go to America. New York specifically, because the city had just always interested me, and as long as my father lived in America, New York has amazed me the most. That’s pretty much the whole story… Or do you want to know anything different?”

 

“Just something, say something typical British please!” Kurt simply was in love with Adam’s accent, it was shameless but true. He was sure he could listen to that voice for hours. Before meeting Adam, the UK and British people didn’t even interest him, he had known they existed and everything. But never met someone British and his attention had always been turned to New York. He had known from a pretty young age that he wanted to live there and that just always was crystal clear to him.

 

“Oh my gosh, really?” Adam asked. “Is that really necessary?” But Kurt just looked at him with the cutest puppy dog look he could manage. 

“Sorry, but no, we’ll watch Doctor Who in a moment, and I believe there are enough British things in there to fulfill your newfound appetite.” Adam replied, laughing.

 

Kurt pouted a bit, but Adam simply ignored it and when Doctor Who started, Kurt was so amazed by it that he forget he was mad at Adam, and instead discussed his theories on the plot with him.

 

Despite Kurt’s love for Doctor Who, that didn't change the fact that he still didn’t feel all too well and so Kurt drifted to sleep before the end credits of the first episode were even rolling. Leaving Adam to watch the show on his own, though he didn’t mind, because he had this beautiful boy in his arms looking so peaceful.

 

When Kurt woke up again, he felt really rested and happy. But he was alone; Adam had left, leaving Kurt alone with a note on the table.

 

**Hey Kurt,**

**I had to go, but didn't have the heart to wake you up! You looked so cute and peaceful while sleeping and said such interesting things :)**

**I had a lovely time with you, even though it wasn’t that long.**

**Sleep well, see you tomorrow.**

**Love,**

**Adam**

There was a little heart drawn under the written text. Kurt always tried not to read too much into these scenarios, as a result of his previous dilemmas with Finn and Blaine.  However, this was really obvious, wasn’t it? A heart, come on! And while Adam was very sweet Kurt simply didn’t know how to handle the whole situation.

 

Was he really going to learn to love again, as Justin had said yesterday? And if so when? Because the disaster with Blaine, the break-up, the cheating, still lingered in the back of his mind. And while he didn’t take Justin as the kind of guy that went around and cheated on people, you could never be sure.  He didn’t think Blaine would do it, either.

 

Blaine. Somehow Kurt just couldn’t forget him as much as he tried to. He somehow compared everything to Blaine. But maybe it was just normal; Blaine had been his first love, he was supposed to be the fairytale ending Kurt had always imagined and dreamed of. He was probably simply not ready to let that fantasy go just yet.

 

But a fantasy was all it was now. Because there was no way Kurt would go back to a guy who had cheated on him. No matter what his dreams had been, he had that much self-respect at least. And he had a new fantastic friend, who understood his situation, and another amazing friend who had the potential to end up at something more.

***

 

“Hey Tina, I just wanted to know how everything’s going?” Kurt said, clutching phone.

 

“Ahh heey Kurt, it’s soo great to hear from you! Well you know, the usual mess with the New Directions.” She laughed and Kurt joined in. “You are deeply missed though. All of you. I mean the newbies are great, but it’s just not the same without you anymore.”

 

“Well I’m glad to hear that.” Kurt smiled. “Maybe we could come and visit you soon?”

 

“That’d be so lovely! And you are coming to Mr. Shue’s wedding right?”

 

“Of course we’re coming! I wouldn’t dream of missing it!”

 

“That’s great! I’m so glad to hear.” A little pause took place, due to neither of them knowing what to say.

 

“Talk to Blaine, will ya?” Tina then broke the silence sounding nervous, which made Kurt grin a little bit.

 

“I don’t see why I should.” He told her earnest. “I mean he cheated on me, we’re over. It’s all said and done; I honestly don’t believe anything he has to say can change my mind!”

 

“Yeah, I understand that. But please just give him a call. Talk it out. You can become friends again at least.” When Kurt didn’t reply she went on sounding a little bit unsure. “It’s just… he looks so sad, Kurt. Still, I thought he would get better after a while, but he didn’t. He’s like I’ve never seen him before. Do you know how he’s always buzzing with energy, it drives you crazy? Well he isn’t anymore. And his hair-gel-use has increased so rapidly. I’m seriously worried, Kurt.

Just please, talk to him, it doesn’t have to be for very long.”

 

“I will!” Kurt eventually agreed.  He was more worried about Blaine now than he wanted to admit, given this new information. Still, it wasn’t like Blaine hadn’t ripped his heart out.  He’d gone through just as much pain if not more.  Kurt, being the bigger person in the situation, decided he would call Blaine eventually.  

 

“But I can’t promise it will change anything!” Kurt exclaimed.

 

“Oh it will. Thanks so much for doing it. It was nice hearing from you. See you at the wedding at least!” And with these words she hung up on him, probably wanting to clear the line for Blaine.

Kurt sighed. He had promised it now so he might as well get it done.

 

His hands dialed Blaine’s number before his mind was ready, causing a moment of shock for him. What should he say when Blaine picked up? He hadn’t had anything prepared.

 

“Hi,” Blaine’s voice murmured on the other end of the phone. Shit, he had to do something.

 

“Um, hey.”  Very intelligent and original, Kurt. Well done.

 

“Kurt?” Blaine’s voice sounded so hopeful.

 

 “Yeah, it’s me.”

 

“That’s so great. I have texted you. Did you get them? Because you never replied me. See Kurt I’m so sorry for what happened and I swear I’m gonna change-“

 

But Kurt interrupted him. “Look Blaine, that’s really not why I called you! And I haven’t read your messages. I’m sorry but I just couldn’t force myself into doing it.”

 

Blaine became very quiet on the other end of the line.  “Oh. Why did you call then?”

 

Kurt hesitated a moment and sat down on his bed.  

 

“Well I just talked to Tina and she told me you weren’t doing very well. Plus Blaine, I don’t know what I’m doing. Or what I should be doing. And I feel like we left some things unsaid when you left here. And we still have to sort some things out, you know?” That was more than Kurt had planned on revealing to Blaine. But it was something about the familiarity and safety Blaine’s voice that made Kurt say more than he had planned.

 

“I guess so, Kurt. I don’t want to lose you.”

 

“I think we have to agree on some points. We’re not going to date again; I have trusted you and you have betrayed me. That’s not something I can overlook easily and I have to tell you I’ve met someone here, and I think this could really work.”

 

The other line was quiet and so Kurt kept on talking.

 

“We clearly saw that long-distance-relationships aren’t for us. I can just offer you my friendship, because I have known you for such a long time now that I don’t just want to throw this all away. You are important to me, Blaine. I just can’t trust enough right now to build a close relationship, with all this distance is between us.”

 

“You’re important to me too, Kurt.” Blaine’s muffled voice came out of the speaker.

 

“Are you crying, Blaine? Please don’t cry!”

 

“I’m not.” Blaine said sniffing.  “I absolutely agree with you, Kurt. And I really want us to stay friends, just as you suggested. Because for me you’re still one of my best friends and I feel like I can come to you in troubled times.”

 

“You can, Blaine. You can.”

 

“Thanks. Also I wish you all the best luck with that guy you’ve been seeing. He’s very lucky!”

 

“Thank you, Blaine. I know you’re going to meet someone amazing soon, too!”

 

Blaine just laughed and Kurt smiled.

 

“I know it. You’re gonna see! I’m happy we talked this out Blaine.”

 

“Well you did most of the talking, but I’m glad, too. Thanks for calling.”

 

“Don’t thank me, thank Tina. So friends?”

 

“Friends!”

 

***

This was going to be Kurt and Adam’s first date. Well, neither of them had actually called it a date, but if two boys who always flirted with each other where going to cinema together, that was a date right? So Kurt was pretty excited when he took the subway to the theater. He checked his appearance dozens of times in the hand mirror to make sure he looked absolutely presentable. He really wanted this to work out with Adam, because Adam was a nice guy and Kurt had grown to like him a lot over the past few weeks.

 

When he saw Adam waiting for him he felt himself smile and then Adam turned to him and smiled too.

 

“Hey Kurt.” He said and then they stood a little bit awkwardly in front of each other, because neither of them knew how to greet the other one properly. Until Adam eventually just hugged Kurt, who returned the hug gratefully.

 

“So I already bought the tickets, we can just go in and enjoy the movie!” Adam beamed at Kurt. Kurt thought a moment if he should insist on paying for his ticket, but as well as he knew Adam by now, he just wouldn’t except the money. It had drove Kurt a little bit crazy at first with the amount of coffee Adam had bought for him and never let Kurt pay him back, but now Kurt just came around and bought coffee for Adam as well, so they were even. So Kurt just made a note for himself to invite Adam to the movies one time.

 

Kurt let Adam lay his arm around his shoulders and together they walked into the cinema. They were going to watch some movie, though Kurt had no idea which one. He honestly did not care, because being in Adam’s presence was enough for him to be happy at the moment.

 

Kurt actually found himself enjoying the movie, it was some typical American comedy and he and Adam laughed a lot at the same scenes, which Kurt took as a good sign. Afterwards, they followed the crowed out of the cinema.

 

“I really liked the movie.” Kurt told Adam as they went. “It was very funny. Good choice! And thanks for inviting me!”

 

“My pleasure. I always search for a reason to hear you laugh, I believe you don’t laugh enough! You’re often so sad, Kurt. But I love your laugh, so please do laugh more!” Kurt laughed at that, which made Adam smile in response. “See, it’s easy!”

 

“Yeah it actually is, even more if you’re in the presence of a funny man like you. So what have you planned now?”

 

“I’ll take that as a compliment. I thought we could go eat dinner, maybe at that Chinese place I told you about?”

 

“Sounds great!” Kurt linked arms with Adam. “You lead the way.” He was really in a good mood at the moment. “You know, I’ve never actually eaten Chinese food, even though I’ve had two Chinese friends in high-school!”

 

“Seriously? Ahh this is going to be so much fun!” Kurt really didn’t understand why this was going to be fun, if he had never eaten it before, but he just shrugged and went along with Adam.

 

On the way to the restaurant, they discussed the movie and songs the Apples could possibly perform in the future.

 

After eating the Chinese food with Adam, Kurt knew what Adam had meant. Adam of course had ordered the food with chopsticks instead of normal forks so Kurt was forced to eat with them and it became clear pretty fast that this was not one of his God-given talents. Adam just laughed at Kurt’s attempts to get some food in his mouth, while eating the food himself like he'd been doing it his whole life. Eventually Kurt just joined Adam’s laughing as he saw no reason to  get mad over this.

 

The evening turned out pretty amazing. They both laughed a lot, not just over Kurt’s lack of ability with chopsticks, but also about all the animated jokes an stories Adam had to tell. Adam was probably the funniest person Kurt had ever met. During dinner, they got a real chance to get to know each other. When they parted ways at the end of the night, Kurt was actually sad that he had to leave Adam.

 

“I had a great time tonight!” He told Adam breathlessly once more while they waited for his train.

 

“I’m glad, and me too in case you wondered.” Kurt nodded and just when he wanted to say something else his train stopped behind him and he had to get going pretty quickly.

 

“Text me when you’re home, will you?” Adam said, before leaning forward quickly and gave Kurt a light kiss on the lips before Kurt even realized what was happening. Adam helped Kurt, still dazed from the unexpected kiss, onto the train.

 

Kurt just stood there confused, slowly raising his hand to his lips. Did that just happen? Did Adam just kiss him? That was probably a perfect ending for this perfect date. But what did this mean? Were they officially together now? Kurt had no idea, his experiences with relationships were limited to the one with Blaine and now he just wasn’t sure what this meant. Just a kiss between friends? But they were definitely more than just friends, right?!

 

Kurt argued with himself about the matter his entire train ride home, now even more thoroughly confused than when he first boarded the train.

***

 

**(4:21 pm) Kurt, please can you come to our coffee shop asap? I need you.**

Kurt starred at the text Justin had just sent him for a moment before putting his jacket on as quickly as possible and ran down the street to the subway station. _Their coffee shop_ was the one they’d met at the first time when Kurt had stormed out of his former apartment. It had been used as their favorite meet up ever since.

 

In the subway Kurt started to worry, Justin wasn’t someone who would normally cry out for help. This text however sounded pretty desperate. Kurt wished New York wasn’t so filled with people, because in the subway he couldn’t really move in this rush-hour traffic and all these people needed to apply some deodorant because it was seriously starting to smell in on the crammed subway car. So the worries about Justin and the shortage of space really had Kurt freaking out.

 

When the subway finally stopped at Kurt’s destination he sprinted out of it and along the street not caring about the other people who he might jostle.

 

Finally Kurt reached the coffee shop and the first thing he noticed was Justin sitting alone in one corner looking melancholy into his cup of coffee, while around him everyone was happily chattering. Kurt decided he needed a coffee as a reward for his sprint across NYC, before joining Justin.

Justin must’ve heard Kurt when he came to his table, coffee in hand, because he looked up as Kurt approached him. “Hey, thanks for coming.” He greeted Kurt with a sad smile, which made Kurt pity him.

 

“No problem, that’s what friends are there for, right?” Justin simply nodded halfheartedly, while Kurt took the seat opposite of him.

 

“What’s the matter? What happened?” Kurt asked Justin with a serious expression.

 

“ _He_ ’s in town.” Justin mumbled, taking a sip of his coffee.

“Who?” Kurt asked, perplexed.

 

“Brian Kinney!” Justin spit that words out.

 

“B-brian..?” Kurt understood. “ _The_ Brian. But why, how? How’d you know?”

 

“Found out in the _papers!_ ” Justin laughed hysterically. “The newspaper for god’s sake! It’s not like he could’ve _called_ me to tell me that he’s starting a business in New York! That asshole!”

 

Kurt just sat there, not understanding everything but the pieces slowly fit together. He just let Justin get all his frustration out, drinking his coffee and listening intently.

 

“I mean, if he planned that from the beginning he could’ve just _told_ me. Like people can communicate, you know? People actually do that, and don’t just open a business in New York. Who does he think he is? Does he think I’ll just crawl back to him, like the past month of not a word from him didn’t happen?!” He looked at Kurt as if he expected him to know the answer. So Kurt responded as best as he could.

 

“I honestly have no idea, Justin. I’m not even sure I understand everything that’s going on here. So Brian is back, and he didn’t tell you? That’s a pretty mean move. But aren’t you happy he’s here? The last time I checked he was the love of your life. Maybe this is your chance to get it right!” Kurt tried to give Justin his most convincing smile.

 

“Yeah I think so too, but I mean why didn’t he tell me? I’ve literally had almost no contact with him after calling off our wedding. And then out of the blue he shows up in New York with opening a new branch of his company and what does this even mean?” The expression on Justin’s face was so helpless, pained and raw that it hurt Kurt just to see him. He wanted nothing more than to able to help this man, but unfortunately he had no idea.

 

“I don’t know, Justin. I wish I could help you. But maybe it would just help you to talk to him?!” Kurt suggested. But Justin didn’t even seem to listen to him, carrying on with thinking out loud.

 

“I mean he could have opened a business in New York right from the beginning, just move with me to New York and we would be so happy and married. Why now? Why’s he turning up now?”

 

“How do you know it’s him?” Kurt dared to ask. “Maybe it’s just someone with a similar name and this is all one big misunderstanding. What exactly did the papers say?”

 

Justin laughed “Just that an advertising agency called _Kinnetic_ was opening in New York, and that their headquarters are located in Pittsburg. And Kinnetic is the name off Brian’s agency. I practically invented the name!”

 

“Then please just go to him and talk to him. I’m sure that’s the best for both of you.  It won’t get you anywhere if you just rant about him here.”

 

“You’re probably right.” Justin sighed. “You’re always so on point with your advice. But I want to rant a little while longer, if you are going to listen? You’re such a good listener.”

 

“Sure, I will. That’s what friends are there for!” Kurt gave Justin an encouraging smile to go on and took his hand across the table.

.


	5. Chapter 5

Somehow Kurt managed to get Justin calmed down and to their apartment. It probably had helped Justin a lot to just get to talk about everything that had been on his mind and bothered him. At least Kurt liked to think so.

When they were home Kurt remembered something Justin told him once. “Remember how you told me drawing always helps you, and I should try it too?” Justin looked at him and it was probably clear to him were this was going.

“So why not do it now, right? I have time; you’ve got time and don’t have to work tonight, right? So let’s do it!”

“You’re right.” Justin agreed. “I really feel like drawing now, it will probably distract me from everything and you too!” Justin grinned at Kurt. “Come on, let’s get this started, I will grab some paint and supplies, and you could get us some food and drinks to get us more comfortable.”

“Will do!” Kurt smiled, happy that Justin was smiling again.

A good ten minutes later Justin had spread many papers all over the living room, and had gotten himself a pencil and started to draw.  Meanwhile, Kurt looked unsure about the mess before him containing all the white paper, begging to be filled, and tons of different pencils, oil pastels and even real paint with brushes.

Justin then looked up and noticed Kurt just standing there awkwardly. “Come here.” He gave Kurt a big smile. “These pencils won’t hurt you, promise!”

 

Kurt laughed nervously; he couldn’t even tell why he felt this way. He just had a lot of respect for Justin's artwork and art in general.

 

“It’s not like you’re not creative, right? You’re an artist too. A singer and fashionista!” Justin smiled at him. “Just try it, it’s really easy!” 

 

So Kurt took one at the pencils and looked at the white paper unsure what to do next. “Come on I’ll help you with the start.” Justin said and came over to Kurt and took Kurt’s hand in his, guiding Kurt’s hand over the paper. That felt even weirder for Kurt, but somehow also good.  Under Justin’s guidance, Kurt made the first stroke on the paper and then another one.

 

After a while, Justin let Kurt’s hand go. “Try it alone now. Just paint whatever you’re feeling!” Kurt tried to smile and nodded concentration fully on the canvas. This seriously felt good, though he was not entirely sure what he was drawing at the moment - some sort of figures it seemed - but it was just a really to get something done and on the paper. Kurt had underestimated the power of just drawing something that came to his mind.

 

“And you earn your living with this?” Kurt asked curiously, because the art business was seriously something he had no experience with or even just solid knowledge about it.

 

“Well you can pretty much just try!” Justin answered. “It’s really not that easy to get solid employment or a good name in this business but I’m pretty good.” He grinned at that. 

 

“And I've got connections, so my manager is always pretty convinced my break-through is just a few paintings away. Some scene magazines also had a story about me, when I was still in Pittsburg. And I actually have a comic series printed.”

 

Kurt listened up at that. “You do?” He asked surprised. “What is it called, and how have you never told me before?”

 

Justin blushed a little bit. “It’s called Rage and I produced it with Michael, Brain's best friend, and it was supposed to be turned into a movie but that sadly never happened, so…” Justin actually looked very sad while sharing this piece of information with Kurt.

 

“I have never heard of it.” Kurt apologized. “But you have a copy? I've got to read it, though comics are not really my forte. What is it about?” 

 

Justin continued painting while speaking, a task Kurt yet had to accomplish, because the strokes he had drawn while talking where all very unsteady.

 

“It’s basically about this gay superhero called Rage and how he’s trying to save the world and mainly J.T. his lover and sidekick. It’s pretty much based on real life events, so. . .”

 

“So you kind of handled your past with this comic book? Impressive, I should’ve thought about that!” Kurt admitted.

 

“Well you've got your singing right? I’m pretty sure you manage through that. I guess we all have to search for our medium. Like you express yourself and process your past with singing an appropriate song or even write your own?” Now Justin looked inquiringly at Kurt, who was turning a little bit red. 

 

“Maybe I’ve tried it.” He stumbled; his attempts of writing his own songs were still something he was embarrassed about. Kurt had literally not told anyone. Not even Rachel, because she was a pro at songwriting herself and he just felt too insecure about it.

 

“Yeah that’s great! That’s what I’m talking about! So we search for our medium to process what we have experienced! And I think that’s the exact reason why gays are more successful in the creative business; we just have a lot more to wrap our minds around. And we have more messages we want to get across.”

 

Kurt just stared at him, which Justin didn’t notice because he was still drawing. 

 

"I have never looked at it from this point of your view.” Kurt slowly began. “But I suppose you’re right.”

 

Justin snorted. "Well of course I am. Believe me, Kurt. I know the business. And now get back to drawing! That picture is not going to finish itself!” Kurt laughed, but did what he was told.

 

“See it wasn’t that hard, right? And for your first try it’s also pretty good!”

 

“Thanks, that means a lot coming from you!” Kurt honestly said and grinned at him. “Yours is okay, too.”

 

Justin just laughed. “It’s freaking awesome and you know that!”

 

“Yeah I do.” Kurt smiled. “So what is your plan now?”

 

“Well I thought, I should go out and party. To take my mind off of things, you know? After drawing, it is the best distraction.”

 

“You’re probably right.” Kurt grinned. 

 

"You wanna come with me?” Justin asked and looked at Kurt. Kurt had to think a moment, because he seriously was scared of clubbing in a big city like this, but on the other hand Justin would be with him. And Justin knew his way around at the gay clubs. Kurt had built up a solid trust with Justin by now. So why the fuck not? He was still single; he wasn’t sure where things with Adam yet, so Kurt still counted himself as single.

 

“Sure why not?” Kurt said with a little bit of doubt in his voice.

 

“Awesome!” Justin beamed at him. 

 

“It’s gonna be so much fun with you. Get ready, wear something hot for me, will ya?” Kurt just nodded and they both disappeared in their rooms.

 

Half an hour later, they were both ready to hit the club. Kurt dressed in his skinniest black jeans and ripped violet sweater, and Justin in a pair of tight dark blue jeans and black shirt that hugged his torso. Kurt had to admit that Justin looked really sexy. He just couldn’t help but notice the way the jeans emphasized his butt.

 

“Ready?” Justin asked.

 

“As I can be.” Kurt replied with a grin, and they both took off.

 

Kurt didn’t know the club they went into, but that wasn’t saying very much because he knew literally no clubs in New York. He had asked Justin earlier how he was supposed to get in, because he wasn’t legal yet- well he still had the fake ID from Sebastian, but there was no way he was going to use that!  Justin had just shook his head and said he would handle it. And with all the excitement Kurt hadn’t thought about it anymore, but when they arrived at the club and waited in the line he wondered what Justin was up too. 

 

Kurt was just about to ask Justin what he had planned when he turned to him and said. “Shh. I have a little present for you, here’s a perfectly fine fake ID for you. You probably won’t even have to use it, because I know one of the bounces, gave him a blow job once.” Justin winked at him and Kurt tried his best to reply with a smile, this kind of casual sex was still very new to him. “But better safe than sorry, right? Oh and speaking of which, I've got another present for you!” Justin added a condom to the ID in Kurt’s hand. Kurt couldn’t help but blush. 

 

"Thanks.” He mumbled and quickly put both items in his pocket. “But you know I’m sorta dating Adam already.”

 

“You are?” Justin sounded surprised. “Last time we spoke you weren’t very sure about that!”

 

Kurt sighed. “Well I’m still not completely. But I mean I guess we are? Though no one has said it out loud yet," Kurt admitted.

 

“Have you kissed?”

 

 Kurt blushed more. “Yeah, we actually did!”

 

“Had sex?”

 

 “No.” Kurt replied quickly. “See then, you’re not really exclusively dating! Come on, loosen up a bit. Have fun tonight, enjoy yourself!”

 

“Okay.” Kurt answered with a smile. “I’ll try.” And he straightened himself a little bit. Justin just laughed. 

 

“You know, you just did the exact opposite of what I told you? Oh man, wait until we’re inside, I’m gonna buy you a nice cocktail!”

 

Getting in was actually a lot easier than Kurt would have previously thought. Justin had turned to the bouncer with a flirty smile and just said “He’s with me.” And then they were in.

 

It wasn’t what Kurt had expected at all. It was bigger, louder and fuller then he would have ever thought. The bar in Ohio had been nothing compared to this! The lights were dancing over the dance floor, and the dance floor was bigger than Justin and Kurt’s apartment and so crowded Kurt asked himself how people found each other on the dance floor. The music was loud, but it was good. Because the beat was pumping through Kurt’s veins and he loved it, it made him feel alive.

 

“Come on!” Justin shouted in his ear, because otherwise they weren’t able to understand each other in the loud club. Justin took Kurt’s hand and led him to the bar. “I promised you a drink!” Justin bought a Sex on the Beach for Kurt and a beer for himself. They clinked glasses and then drank their drinks.

 

Kurt immediately noticed the warm feeling settling in this stomach and looked happily at Justin. “Thanks!” 

 

Justin just grinned. “I’m gonna dance a bit.” He screamed in Kurt’s ear as he finished his beer. "Wanna come with me?” Kurt just shook his head and Justin shrugged and went off to the dance floor. Truth be told, Kurt wanted to dance, he just wanted a moment to enjoy the atmosphere and maybe drink his cocktail before he was ready to enter the dance floor. He eagerly finished his cocktail, and then he turned around to the bar and bought himself a beer.  While sipping his drink, he looked over to the dance floor searching the crowd for Justin but not finding him.

 

“Why are you standing here so lonely?” A boy suddenly came up next to Kurt, giving him a big smile.  “Don’t you want to dance?” 

 

“I’m waiting for my boyfriend.” Kurt quickly replied, to make the boy go away. He wasn’t used to that sort of attention so he did the first thing that had come to his mind. And it apparently worked, as the boy quickly went away.

 

After finishing his second beer Kurt stopped drinking because he felt a little bit dizzy just now. He looked around and saw Justin on the dance floor. He was dancing with one drink in his hand rather close to a guy Kurt had never before seen in his life. Kurt couldn’t look away from these two, the way they were grinning at each other. Dancing to the pulse of the music and looking so careless made Kurt kind of jealous, though he couldn’t really grasp why.

 

Soon enough, Kurt lost the pair again, and decided it was finally time for him to go down there and have some fun. When he was on the dance floor, Kurt immediately let himself get lost in the music. He had always been a good dancer, and dancing to this kind of music couldn’t be all that different, could it? Soon enough Kurt was dancing as if he was one with music. And he was absolutely enjoying himself.

 

Kurt danced with random strangers but never too close, because he still knew what his limits were, even though everything was a bit blurry due to the alcohol in his system.

 

“Kuuuurt!” somehow Justin had found him on the dance floor and hugged him tightly. “I haven’t seen you. Are you having fun?” Kurt nodded and they danced together for a while. “I need another drink, you too? I’m buying!” 

 

Why the hell not, Kurt asked himself. He took Justin’s hand and let the other man led him to the bar again. 

 

“I want a beer.” He screamed in Justin’s ear. Justin just nodded and gave the bartender their order.

Drinking together, they looked to the dance floor again; a quieter song was playing at the moment so it was possible for Justin and Kurt to have a kind of normal conversation. 

 

"You like it here?” Justin asked with a grin. 

 

"More than I expected to.” Kurt simply replied, which made Justin look satisfied.

 

“Have you found anyone yet?” Kurt asked thinking about the guy he had Justin seen dancing with earlier.

 

“No not yet. Still searching. What about you?” Justin turned to Kurt.

 

“Me?” Kurt said surprised. “I’m not even searching!” But Justin wasn’t even listening anymore. He had finished his bottle by now and was distracted by the new song playing. It was Talk Dirty To Me by Jason Derulo.

 

 “Ah I love this song!” Justin screamed, taking Kurt’s hand again. “Come dance with me please!” And so Kurt let Justin drag him to the dance floor, and danced to the music. He had to admit it was a very danceable song and dancing with Justin was something he'd never experienced before.

 

Because wow, this guy could dance. And then Justin was starting to sing along to the song, and Kurt simply joined him and it was so much fun twirling around with Justin. But as the rhythm of the song changed so did Justin’s dance style and he started to grin against Kurt, who at first didn’t know what to do. But Kurt just said himself, well fuck it, and went along with it. Kurt allowed himself to get lost in the music and Justin’s dancing next to him, loving the feeling of Justin’s hips against his ass. And truth be told it made Kurt a little bit hard, but can you blame him? He had more alcohol in his system than he was used to and this freaking hot guy was grinding against him plus an amazingly sexy song playing.

 

When the song ended Justin spun Kurt around in his arms and hugged him. “That was awesome.” He whispered in Kurt’s ear, breathing heavily against it which made Kurt shudder in excitement.. He just nodded and pressed himself against Justin, suddenly feeling that he was aroused just as well.

 

He looked into Justin’s eyes and the boy was looking back at him, moving forward until their lips met. Kurt could have turned around to prevent the kiss, but in that moment all he could think was, damn I really want Justin to kiss me. So he closed his eyes and enjoyed the feeling of Justin’s lips moving against his. 

 

Even from the little experience he had, Kurt could tell that Justin was a pretty awesome kisser. They still moved in the rhythm, but Kurt was focusing on the kiss mostly.

 

Justin had started the kiss and he was the one to break it. When Kurt opened his eyes again he caught Justin staring at him as if he had just seen him for the first time, and couldn’t help but noticing how hot Justin looked like this. He was all sweaty and tousled from kissing but with a big smile on his lips looking hungrily at Kurt. Justin leaned forward to Kurt’s ear.

 

 “Wanna get out of here? Home?” he asked and carefully bit on Kurt’s earlobe, which made Kurt groan in return. He would have gone anywhere with this man at that moment, so he nodded and went with Justin.

 

They took the subway home, not minding the people staring at them.  They seated next to each other and kissed and whispered drunken things in each other’s ears. And Kurt couldn’t get enough of petting Justin’s hair. 

 

“It’s soooo soft!” he mumbled multiple times which made Justin giggle and nibble at his jaw. Kissing Justin was definitely something Kurt liked, because his lips were just so soft and the kisses so sweet and knowing. Like Justin really knew what to do with his tongue!

 

Once they arrived home Justin opened the door with his keys while Kurt just hugged him from the side not wanting to let the other boy go. They giggled and kissed each other drunkenly and eventually landed on the sofa where Justin took control. Kurt grabbed Justin’s hair and buried his hand there, returning Justin’s kiss with all the passion he had in him.  Justin let his hand stroke Kurt's back and grope his ass. That made Kurt groan and move his hips up to meet Justin, who used his weight to hold Kurt down. Kurt then snaked one hand out of Justin’s hair and wandered under Justin’s shirt, loving the light muscles he was sensing.

 

He was just about to get Justin’s shirt off when Justin broke the kiss. “Stop.” He mumbled. “We can’t do this.” Kurt immediately felt a lot more sober, like someone had thrown a bottle of cold water in his face. 

 

“Why?” he asked, his hands still lying on Justin’s stomach.

 

“Because," Justin sighed, putting Kurt’s hands down on the couch. “We would both regret it tomorrow, and I like you way too much to let that happen, Kurt.” Kurt groaned, that sounded so damn logical but still, he already missed the feeling of Justin’s lips against his. 

 

"But it was nice.” He whispered, and Justin just laughed and slowly rose from the sofa. 

 

“I wasn’t saying it wasn't great, but I’m gonna go to bed now. You maybe, can come with me?” He looked at Kurt carefully. “Just a little bit cuddling would be nice. I’d really appreciate some company right now.”

 

 Kurt smiled and practically sprung up from the sofa, which he regretted only moments later because it really made him feel dizzy. But Justin was there to hold Kurt. “Thanks.”

 

The two of them slowly tottered to the bed. Once under the warm covers, they just laid down cuddling against each other and fell fast asleep within minutes.

 

The next morning Kurt slowly opened his eyes, confused as to where he was at first, but then the memories of the previous night came back. Kurt wanted nothing more than to just go back to sleep and never wake up again and die of embarrassment. But instead he got up and went into the kitchen, where Justin was already making eggs. Justin looked really good and that made Kurt feel even shittier. That was unfair, he was sure he looked like crap and why did Justin look that good?

 

“Morning!” Justin greeted him with a smile. “I made breakfast with omelets, thought you might want some.” “

 

Yes, please!” Kurt took the seat.

 

“Just one moment, I’m nearly finished. You got up just in time!” Justin said balancing the plates to the table.

 

“That’s great.” Kurt gulped. “Um, we've got to talk about last night, I suppose?” He looked nervously at Justin, but the other boy just laughed.

 

 “Yeah we ought to. But after the breakfast.” He placed the omelets between them and sat down across from Kurt. “Bon appétit!”

 

They ate in silence; the clank of the dishes was the only noise in the apartment. When Justin finished his last piece of egg, Kurt broke the silence.

 

 “This was absolutely delicious, thank you so much!” He began. 

 

Justin replied with a smile “So about last night. I’m really happy we didn’t go further.” Kurt was ready to agree with him but Justin didn’t let him say a word. “Don’t get me wrong, you looked really hot and all. But I just believe it’s for the best that nothing really happened, because you’re in some sort of a relationship and I have to face Brian soon.” He sighed and that was Kurt’s chance to finally speak.

 

“I absolutely agree. I’m so happy you stopped us. Because I feel like we’re best friends, and I really don’t want to ruin our relationship. I like you very much, but it’s just not love I feel for you and therefore I’m happy we just kissed. Also I’m still a little bit freaked out about the fact that we kissed. But whatever, I’m happy for now.” He smiled at Justin, who returned the smile and they sat there for a while in complete agreement.  

 

During the day Kurt’s had pangs of remorse, because while he hadn’t slept with Justin, they had shared some pretty passionate kisses. And Kurt wasn’t the boy to just go around and kiss people. Also he wasn’t sure what Adam would say about it, if he found out. And Kurt wanted to tell Adam, because their relationship was so fresh and new that he wanted to be completely honest from the beginning.

 

So when he received a text from Adam which read, 'We need to talk. Our coffee shop at 1 pm?' it freaked him out a lot. Did Adam know? Had he been in the club as well and maybe seen Justin and Kurt making out on the dance floor? God, he hoped not but what if any other member of the Adam's Apples had witnessed the kiss and told Adam? They all knew they were dating. Adam must know and now he wanted to talk to Kurt and Kurt wasn’t sure if he was going to survive that!

 

On his way to the coffee shop he tried to calm himself down, saying it was very unlikely that anyone had seen them and talked to Adam. It was just not possible; nobody had that much bad luck.

 

So when he arrived at the coffee shop and was greeted by Adam with a kiss, he seriously calmed down, because Adam wouldn’t kiss him anymore if he was angry at him for the thing with Justin, right?

 

“You wanted to talk to me?” Kurt said as he took his place.

 

 “Yeah, I thought we needed to. Because what exactly is it we have, Kurt?”

 

Kurt looked at him “What do you mean?”

 

 “Us, Kurt. What are we?” Adam looked at Kurt searchingly.

 

“What do you want us to be?” Kurt asked, his heart beating fast, because this, this would be the answer to his question. This would finally give him clarity to where he and Adam stood.

 

Adam just laughed and looked at Kurt with such a loving look that it made Kurt’s heart ache.

 

“I want to be your boyfriend, and you to be mine, Kurt. I think what we have is really special and I’m falling in love with you.” He reached across the table and took Kurt’s hands in his. 

 

Kurt just managed to get out a quiet, “I feel the same," before Adam continued to speak.

 

"And at first when you talked to me about Blaine I thought I was just going to be some kind of rebound. But then I saw a picture of Blaine on Facebook and we look nothing alike. And you’re so sweet to me and we have this connection. So I think this could work, don’t you?” 

 

Adam’s words made Kurt’s heart break a little bit, because he felt the same way. He noticed he was falling hard for this British man with the sweet accent and the enthusiastic charisma. Why couldn’t they have had this conversation just one day ago? Then Kurt wouldn’t have drunk so much last night and definitely not kissed Justin! He felt so bad.

 

“Me too, Adam. God you have no idea how much this means to me, I like you a lot and I believe this could turn out as something incredibly amazing. But I wasn’t sure how you felt and if we were dating already. And I . . ." He gulped hard. “I made out with Justin yesterday.”


	6. Chapter 6

The next few weeks felt like hell for Kurt. He had to see Adam five times a week at NYADA because somehow they always crossed paths, even though Kurt did't attend the Adam’s Apples meetings anymore. He didn’t do that well in his other classes, because he was too distracted to put on a good show while feeling nothing but sadness. 

 

On the other hand, Justin and Brian had somehow made up and now whenever he came home he had to see a happy couple. And yeah he was a little bit jealous of Justin, why did Justin get to be happy and Kurt didn’t? It had been Justin’s fault just as much as Kurt’s!

 

But the jealousy was washed away immediately when he had seen Justin and Brian together for the first time. Because around Brian, Justin just looked so much happier than Kurt had ever seen him. He had never noticed that Justin had been sad in his presence, but the way Justin glowed in Brian’s present was surreal. And the way the two men talked to each other and acted around each other, showing so much love and affection for each other, was killing Kurt, but also wishing he had that kind of love himself.

 

He could tell that Justin and Brian had known each other for a long time and felt comfortable around each other, because every action, every touch was emanating love and admiration. And really Kurt was just happy for this couple because it was clear to him that those two belonged to each other. It wasn’t even that they were overall caring to each other; just every look from Justin to Brian made it clear. And even Brian looked at Justin as if he was the most precious thing in his possession. Kurt heard them having sex more than once in Justin’s bedroom, though he had to say they were staying over at Brian’s apartment for that most of the time, probably not to make Kurt uncomfortable.

 

All the love he had to witness in his apartment made him feel even worse about his current situation with Adam. Because he just knew that he could have something similar with Adam after some time, if he hadn’t had fucked it all up. He just wished Adam would forgive him, give him a second chance and they could start all over again. It wasn’t even like Kurt had really cheated on Adam! He hadn’t been sure if they were exclusively dating at that moment, plus he had been drunk! And he and Justin just made out! They didn’t even have sex or anything. However, Kurt still understand why Adam was angry at him, he wasn’t sure if he could have forgiven himself if he were in Adam’s position.

 

On a Wednesday Kurt finally decided it was time for him to talk to Adam one more time, he just needed to clarify this all. And he still hoped Adam would forgive him. So they met during lunchtime outside.

 

“You wanted to talk to me?” Adam said, with his arms crossed over his chest. Typical defensive attitude. Kurt sighed, this was going to be hard.

 

“Yeah, I understand

that you’re angry at me and everything. And I completely understand that, but please. Please can we try to be friends again at least? I know I fucked up our relationship and everything, but please, I like you so much that I want to be your friend at least.” Kurt knew he sounded desperate but he couldn’t help it. He just didn’t want to lose Adam completely. He  had fallen too hard for him already. And not being able to see him again would probably kill him.

 

“No we can’t be friends!” Adam replied looking seriously at Kurt. 

Kurt nodded, swallowing hard to try hold his tears back. He didn’t want to cry in front of Adam, he had that much self-respect at least.

 

“Because that wouldn’t do us both justices, I believe. Look I care about you a lot, Kurt. And as I told you before in the coffee shop, I’m a little bit in love with you already, and due to that we just can’t go back to friends anymore. It’s too late for that. However, I also don’t want to throw away everything we have. I think I can give it another try, don’t you? As long as you will stay at my side now! Promise me that? I really don’t want to share you, and just the thought of another man’s hands on you disgusts me!” 

 

Kurt looked at him and it took him a moment to fully comprehend what Adam had just told him. 

 

"You… you forgive me?” Kurt heard the doubt in his voice and felt how it was cracking at the end. But he just couldn’t understand it. Adam just nodded and at that moment Kurt let the tears roll down his cheeks, but it were tears of happiness this time.

Adam opened his arms and Kurt flew into them, hugging Adam as tightly as he could. 

 

“I’m never gonna do anything to hurt you again, I promise you!” He whispered against Adam’s neck. 

 

Adam just hummed in response, petting Kurt’s hair and mumbling something like. “I know. I know!”

 

“I’m never gonna let you go! Thank you, thank you!”

 

There were still tears on Kurt’s face, but he didn’t care. He was just so happy that he finally had Adam.

 

When Kurt came home that afternoon, he opened the door and screamed. 

 

"Me and Adam are a couple!” into the room. But it wasn’t Justin who walked into the kitchen, it was Brian. He had an amused look on his face.

 

"Congratulations! Have fun living the boring monogamous life that is mostly for heterosexuals. I still don’t understand why some of us gays try it too. It’s just not for us!”

 

Kurt looked at Brian perplexed, but just in that moment Justin came into the kitchen hitting Brian playfully. 

 

“Shut up Brian, we all know you secretly want to have a monogamous relationship with me as well!” and then went over to Kurt hugging him shortly. “I’m so happy it all worked out and I didn’t destroy it all!”

 

“Of course you didn’t!” Kurt smiled. “Thank you.”

 

Kurt felt like he was living a dream, he finally had a good looking, sweet and caring boyfriend and lived in a nice apartment where he was respected. And nothing could be better at the moment. Well, he could be doing better in school ad the weeks of being distracted by his love life had left their mark. Kurt had to work extra hard now to get everything done. But being as happy as he was right now, it was easy for him to just work harder in school.

 

He began attending the Adam's Apples practices again and it was just so much fun. He was welcomed back easily and felt so safe there; it really made him happy. After their rehearsal of Rhythm of the Night, he and Adam stayed behind.

 

“I’m so happy!” Kurt told Adam as they sat on the stage and Kurt laid his head against Adam’s shoulder. 

 

“Me too!” Adam replied and reached for the nearest guitar that was lying on the stage. “And that’s why I wanted to sing to you!”

 

 “Oh you don’t have to!” Kurt exclaimed, feeling really bad, because how in the world could he deserve this sweet guy? Adam started to play A Thousand Years and Kurt immediately recognized the song and it just made him feel so warm in his heart.

 

Adam’s voice was made for this song, and it made Kurt feel so loved to watch and listen to Adam play and sing for him. Adam looked at him with so much love in his eyes that Kurt didn’t know what to do with himself. So he did the most obvious thing, just sat there and enjoyed the way Adam was now dancing around him, playing the guitar and singing for him. Kurt was sure that there was nothing better in this world than Adam’s voice mixed with this song. If Kurt believed in God, then this was probably what heaven was like!

 

When Adam finished the song, Kurt clapped as loud in his hands as he could and quickly get up to kiss Adam. 

 

"That was amazing!” He said between the kisses. 

 

"You are the best!” Kurt slung his arms around Adam’s neck and kissed him with all the passion he had in him.

 ~The End~


End file.
